We've all been there; it’s late at night, you’re not tired, all the games are over and if you have to watch Sportscenter again, you’re going to scream. You start flipping through the movie channels, and you stumble across a gem. About five minutes in, you think to yourself, “This movie is just terrible. I’m not watching this”. The seconds continue to tic by, and before you know it, you've killed two hours watching that flick. My job was to rank the greatest of these movies.
A few words on the selection process:
A few words on the selection process:
- It must be an awesome movie. Nobody likes a bad movie with bad acting.
- I’m not talking crap about your favorite movie. If it’s on the list, it means that the movie has weak actors. All of these movies are excellent.
- Submissions on twitter helped round out the list, but I made the executive decision on which to include.
- The rankings are final. If you have beef with something, hit me up @s4lr1naud0. Tweet your takes, and we’ll read a few on the podcast next week .
20. White Chicks (2004): The Wayans Bro’s meet Paris Hilton. In the movie, the Wayans’ play undercover FBI agents that must disguise themselves as a couple of blonde, hotel heiresses. Cameos include Frankie Faison (Commissioner Burrell on the Wire) and Terry Crews (the jacked guy in every movie). The acting was bad, but it was supposed to be bad. Hilarity ensues… kind of.
19. Bio Dome (1996): Pauly Shore is a terrible actor. He’s arguably the worst actor of all time (a different list for a different day). Stephen Baldwin is one-tenth the actor his brother is (Billy, of course). Basically, Bio-Dome is a stoner comedy about some “dudes” getting locked in a science experiment. The more I write about this movie, the more I realize that this was actually a bad movie with bad acting. What a terrible freakin’ film.
18. Batman & Robin (1997): In 1997, Alicia Silverstone and Uma Thurman were in their respective primes. Throw in the hunk of all hunks, George Clooney and the Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and you have an unbeatable cast. The movie was about par for a mid-nineties super hero movie, but these A-list actors definitely mailed it in. Their terrible performance ruined what could have been a very solid film. At the same time, the cheesiness has endeared this film to an entire generation of comic book nerds (looking at you, PTY Guy…).
17. Twilight (2008): I’ve never seen the movie, but it was suggested multiple times. Hell, we even had a FEMALE suggest this movie. Does that mean girls are visiting this site? Probably not. Anyway, you don’t need to see this movie to know it has terrible acting. Kristen Stewart has one expression, Taylor Lautner just takes his shirt off (can’t blame him) and the other guy is British, and that’s just silly. “’Ello Bella, when are we going to play Quidditch?” Like I said, I never really saw any of them, but people love this damn movie. It must be kind of watchable, even if the acting blows.
16. Terminator (1984): People will argue that this movie should be higher. The acting isn’t that bad though. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a cheesy ‘80s masterpiece. However, most of that can be blamed on the script and the lack of modern technology. Either way, it’s a timeless cult classic.
15. A Knight’s Tale (2001): Did you know that Maryland’s state sport is jousting? Crab cakes and horse-chicken, that’s what Maryland does! Heath Ledger is a squire who finds a knight’s suit of armor. Him and his medieval bros travel England jousting. Of course, he runs into a steamy maiden. Before certain matches, spectators stomp and clap the tune of “We Will Rock You”, which is about as historically accurate as it gets.
14. Deep Blue Sea (1999): Can’t put Samuel Jackson any lower than this, but what a terrible performance. A bunch of rogue sharks go straight up “Seal Island” on a group of scientists. The only way the acting would have been more convincing, is if they hired seals to play the scientists. Cameo Alert: LL Cool J as a preacher. I wouldn’t recommend this one, but good luck changing the channel if it’s on.
13. Robin Hood, Men In Tights (1993): Richard Lewis should have won an Oscar for his performance as Prince John. The movie is a comical adaptation of the Robin Hood tale, but you could have figured that out on your own. Most acting in comedies is sub-par, but this is particularly piss-poor. Regardless, I couldn’t think of a better way to learn about feudal-Europe than by watching this movie.
12. Bull Durham (1988): Kevin Costner and Tim Robbins are minor league battery mates. Crash Davis (Costner) teaches the young prospect everything from pitch selection to interview skills. Susan Sarandon plays a mega-skeezer and the team’s unofficial groupie. Basically, you can’t make it to the big leagues until you bang her. Baseball movies easily expose bad acting, and Tim Robbins looks about as natural throwing a baseball, as Ice Cube in the rainforest (we’ll get back to that).
11. The Wedding Singer (1998): You could put a number of Adam Sandler’s films on this list, but I went with TWS. In a flick full of foul acting, the worst acting job goes to Drew Barrymore for pretending to be attractive. That being said, you can’t watch this movie without laughing. This movie came out the same year as The Waterboy, thus ending Adam Sandler’s tenure as funny.
10. American Pie (1999): Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, Seann William Scott and the kid from ‘Rookie of the Year’ star as high school seniors. The group is on a quest to shred their v-cards before the end of the year. The movie highlights the hilarious and awkward measures teenage boys go through during sexual experimentation. If you don’t think a man humping a freshly-baked pie is funny, you probably are too smart to get this brand of humor.
9. Anaconda (1997): A larger than life snake meets a larger than life ass. Not Jennifer Lopez’s rear end, I was talking about Ice Cube. That guy is as bad of an actor as he is a rapper. Personally, I am terrified of snakes. They scare the crap out of me, but for whatever reason, the premise of a giant, man-eating snake makes me chuckle. It’s the quintessential “car accident” movie; it’s so bad you can’t look away. If you ever aspired to work for National Geographic, this film probably helped change your mind.
8. Ghost (1990): Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore are totally in love, until Sam (Swayze) accidentally foils an embezzlement plot. The bad guys cover up their error by killing Sam. He wouldn’t go quietly, though. The now very-dead Sam visits Earth as a ghost, set on saving Molly (Moore) from a similar fate. Whoopi G. plays a psychic that helps Sam and Molly interact. It’s an awesome chick-flick, but the acting is definitely bad enough to earn the number eight spot on our countdown.
7. Con Air (1997): This cast is loaded with stars (Cage, Malkovich, Cusak, Buscemi, Dave Chapelle), and they take a monumental dump on their craft. The awful acting is what makes this flick so compelling. Nicholas Cage couldn’t out-act a middle school extra in ‘Charlie Brown’s Christmas’. Basically, Cage is a prisoner that has just been granted parole, and he’s being transported back home via plane. All of a sudden, there is an uprising, and prisoners take over the craft. The movie is as awesome, as the acting is embarrassing.
6. Home Alone (1990): Any time a child is the lead actor, the standards are pretty low. Nobody was expecting much from Macaulay Culkin, but Joe Pesci follows his ‘Goodfellas’ performance with this steaming pile. Before he started sleeping with Mila Kunis, Culkin first had to prevent his house from being broken into. With the help of a creepy, old neighbor, he succeeds. The movie, despite the poor acting, has become a holiday classic.
5. Weekend At Bernie’s (1989): Joe Pa reminded me of this one the other day, and I knew it had to make the list. It has the same concept as ‘Ghost’- these young workers notice an error, and they bring it to the boss’s attention. The boss, Bernie (Terry Kiser), brings the guys to his beach house where he plans to have them killed. When Bernie dies first, the guys realize the only way to stay alive is to prop their dead boss up and pretend he’s fine. As much as Joe Pa and I love this film, the acting leaves a lot to be desired.
4. The Fast and Furious (2001): Paul Walker goes underground as a street racer to infiltrate a smuggling ring, run by Vin Diesel. What else needs to be said? Walker races Diesel, and comes up just short of him. “I almost had you,” laughs Walker. “You, had ME? You NEVER had me. You never had your CAR,” responds Diesel pointing to the smoking engine of Walker’s car. The whole movie is filled with unintentional humor derived from questionable acting. Throw in some scantily-clad young ladies, and you have one of the greatest movies of all time. It was so good, that they called for 23 sequels. The acting gets even worse when the series adds the Rock, but the nothing beats the original.
3. Rocky IV (1985): Sly Stallone had to make this list. One of the greatest action heroes in history (another list for another day) is also one of the worst actors ever. You could use any of the Rocky movies here, but I chose the one with the worst acting and best result. Carl Weathers puts on an acting clinic (the least subtle Arrested Development joke you’ll see all day). It’s the ultimate underdog story about a Dago in Philly that fights his way to the top, and his interactions with a pet shop employee and her dim-wit brother. Along the way, his former rival, who is now his trainer/best friend, is killed in the boxing ring. Rocky flies to Russia to fight Ivan Drago and single handedly end the Cold War. Mission Fu**ing Accomplished. Of all of Sly’s terrible acting jobs, this resulted in the greatest movie.
2. Top Gun (1986): Tom Cruz is a fighter pilot in this movie. Tom Cruz is a volleyball star in this movie. Tom Cruz serenades a chick in this movie. Unfortunately, none of those things are believable because of the terrible acting in ‘Top Gun’. Perhaps the worst part of this movie is the awkward crap-talking between the rival pilots competing for head of the class. “Hey, Slider, you stink”. The movie takes a dark turn when Cruz’s wingman, Goose dies. After that goofy bastard goes down, it’s really hard to take “sad Cruz” seriously. It wouldn’t be an epic classic if he didn’t redeem himself in the end. Our nation owes its freedom to Maverick.
1. Point Break (1991): So wait, you’re going to give me Keanu Reeves AND Patrick Swayze in the same movie?! Not only that, you’re going to add Gary Busey, Dr. Cox and the chick from ‘Free Willy’?! None of them can act, but they all make GREAT movies. Johnny Utah (Reeves) and Pappas (Busey) are FBI agents (no way either could pass a drug test) trying to catch bank robbers. The ex-Presidents, led by Swayze, are bank robbers by day and thrill seeking surfer bros by night. Wait, it gets better. While playing a game of football on the beach (at night), Swayze makes Reeves for Johnny Utah, former Ohio St. Quarterback. Reeves had his football career end after a nasty knee injury, but he is able to surf and play sand football at night. After a chase scene, Reeves re-injures his knee and limps for the rest of the movie. I’m telling you, right when you think the acting can’t get worse, Reeves jumps out of a plane without a parachute and latches onto Swayze. YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS UP. The acting in the movie is appalling, but the result is one of the best movies you’ll ever see. Long live, ‘Point Break’.
19. Bio Dome (1996): Pauly Shore is a terrible actor. He’s arguably the worst actor of all time (a different list for a different day). Stephen Baldwin is one-tenth the actor his brother is (Billy, of course). Basically, Bio-Dome is a stoner comedy about some “dudes” getting locked in a science experiment. The more I write about this movie, the more I realize that this was actually a bad movie with bad acting. What a terrible freakin’ film.
18. Batman & Robin (1997): In 1997, Alicia Silverstone and Uma Thurman were in their respective primes. Throw in the hunk of all hunks, George Clooney and the Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and you have an unbeatable cast. The movie was about par for a mid-nineties super hero movie, but these A-list actors definitely mailed it in. Their terrible performance ruined what could have been a very solid film. At the same time, the cheesiness has endeared this film to an entire generation of comic book nerds (looking at you, PTY Guy…).
17. Twilight (2008): I’ve never seen the movie, but it was suggested multiple times. Hell, we even had a FEMALE suggest this movie. Does that mean girls are visiting this site? Probably not. Anyway, you don’t need to see this movie to know it has terrible acting. Kristen Stewart has one expression, Taylor Lautner just takes his shirt off (can’t blame him) and the other guy is British, and that’s just silly. “’Ello Bella, when are we going to play Quidditch?” Like I said, I never really saw any of them, but people love this damn movie. It must be kind of watchable, even if the acting blows.
16. Terminator (1984): People will argue that this movie should be higher. The acting isn’t that bad though. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a cheesy ‘80s masterpiece. However, most of that can be blamed on the script and the lack of modern technology. Either way, it’s a timeless cult classic.
15. A Knight’s Tale (2001): Did you know that Maryland’s state sport is jousting? Crab cakes and horse-chicken, that’s what Maryland does! Heath Ledger is a squire who finds a knight’s suit of armor. Him and his medieval bros travel England jousting. Of course, he runs into a steamy maiden. Before certain matches, spectators stomp and clap the tune of “We Will Rock You”, which is about as historically accurate as it gets.
14. Deep Blue Sea (1999): Can’t put Samuel Jackson any lower than this, but what a terrible performance. A bunch of rogue sharks go straight up “Seal Island” on a group of scientists. The only way the acting would have been more convincing, is if they hired seals to play the scientists. Cameo Alert: LL Cool J as a preacher. I wouldn’t recommend this one, but good luck changing the channel if it’s on.
13. Robin Hood, Men In Tights (1993): Richard Lewis should have won an Oscar for his performance as Prince John. The movie is a comical adaptation of the Robin Hood tale, but you could have figured that out on your own. Most acting in comedies is sub-par, but this is particularly piss-poor. Regardless, I couldn’t think of a better way to learn about feudal-Europe than by watching this movie.
12. Bull Durham (1988): Kevin Costner and Tim Robbins are minor league battery mates. Crash Davis (Costner) teaches the young prospect everything from pitch selection to interview skills. Susan Sarandon plays a mega-skeezer and the team’s unofficial groupie. Basically, you can’t make it to the big leagues until you bang her. Baseball movies easily expose bad acting, and Tim Robbins looks about as natural throwing a baseball, as Ice Cube in the rainforest (we’ll get back to that).
11. The Wedding Singer (1998): You could put a number of Adam Sandler’s films on this list, but I went with TWS. In a flick full of foul acting, the worst acting job goes to Drew Barrymore for pretending to be attractive. That being said, you can’t watch this movie without laughing. This movie came out the same year as The Waterboy, thus ending Adam Sandler’s tenure as funny.
10. American Pie (1999): Jason Biggs, Chris Klein, Seann William Scott and the kid from ‘Rookie of the Year’ star as high school seniors. The group is on a quest to shred their v-cards before the end of the year. The movie highlights the hilarious and awkward measures teenage boys go through during sexual experimentation. If you don’t think a man humping a freshly-baked pie is funny, you probably are too smart to get this brand of humor.
9. Anaconda (1997): A larger than life snake meets a larger than life ass. Not Jennifer Lopez’s rear end, I was talking about Ice Cube. That guy is as bad of an actor as he is a rapper. Personally, I am terrified of snakes. They scare the crap out of me, but for whatever reason, the premise of a giant, man-eating snake makes me chuckle. It’s the quintessential “car accident” movie; it’s so bad you can’t look away. If you ever aspired to work for National Geographic, this film probably helped change your mind.
8. Ghost (1990): Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore are totally in love, until Sam (Swayze) accidentally foils an embezzlement plot. The bad guys cover up their error by killing Sam. He wouldn’t go quietly, though. The now very-dead Sam visits Earth as a ghost, set on saving Molly (Moore) from a similar fate. Whoopi G. plays a psychic that helps Sam and Molly interact. It’s an awesome chick-flick, but the acting is definitely bad enough to earn the number eight spot on our countdown.
7. Con Air (1997): This cast is loaded with stars (Cage, Malkovich, Cusak, Buscemi, Dave Chapelle), and they take a monumental dump on their craft. The awful acting is what makes this flick so compelling. Nicholas Cage couldn’t out-act a middle school extra in ‘Charlie Brown’s Christmas’. Basically, Cage is a prisoner that has just been granted parole, and he’s being transported back home via plane. All of a sudden, there is an uprising, and prisoners take over the craft. The movie is as awesome, as the acting is embarrassing.
6. Home Alone (1990): Any time a child is the lead actor, the standards are pretty low. Nobody was expecting much from Macaulay Culkin, but Joe Pesci follows his ‘Goodfellas’ performance with this steaming pile. Before he started sleeping with Mila Kunis, Culkin first had to prevent his house from being broken into. With the help of a creepy, old neighbor, he succeeds. The movie, despite the poor acting, has become a holiday classic.
5. Weekend At Bernie’s (1989): Joe Pa reminded me of this one the other day, and I knew it had to make the list. It has the same concept as ‘Ghost’- these young workers notice an error, and they bring it to the boss’s attention. The boss, Bernie (Terry Kiser), brings the guys to his beach house where he plans to have them killed. When Bernie dies first, the guys realize the only way to stay alive is to prop their dead boss up and pretend he’s fine. As much as Joe Pa and I love this film, the acting leaves a lot to be desired.
4. The Fast and Furious (2001): Paul Walker goes underground as a street racer to infiltrate a smuggling ring, run by Vin Diesel. What else needs to be said? Walker races Diesel, and comes up just short of him. “I almost had you,” laughs Walker. “You, had ME? You NEVER had me. You never had your CAR,” responds Diesel pointing to the smoking engine of Walker’s car. The whole movie is filled with unintentional humor derived from questionable acting. Throw in some scantily-clad young ladies, and you have one of the greatest movies of all time. It was so good, that they called for 23 sequels. The acting gets even worse when the series adds the Rock, but the nothing beats the original.
3. Rocky IV (1985): Sly Stallone had to make this list. One of the greatest action heroes in history (another list for another day) is also one of the worst actors ever. You could use any of the Rocky movies here, but I chose the one with the worst acting and best result. Carl Weathers puts on an acting clinic (the least subtle Arrested Development joke you’ll see all day). It’s the ultimate underdog story about a Dago in Philly that fights his way to the top, and his interactions with a pet shop employee and her dim-wit brother. Along the way, his former rival, who is now his trainer/best friend, is killed in the boxing ring. Rocky flies to Russia to fight Ivan Drago and single handedly end the Cold War. Mission Fu**ing Accomplished. Of all of Sly’s terrible acting jobs, this resulted in the greatest movie.
2. Top Gun (1986): Tom Cruz is a fighter pilot in this movie. Tom Cruz is a volleyball star in this movie. Tom Cruz serenades a chick in this movie. Unfortunately, none of those things are believable because of the terrible acting in ‘Top Gun’. Perhaps the worst part of this movie is the awkward crap-talking between the rival pilots competing for head of the class. “Hey, Slider, you stink”. The movie takes a dark turn when Cruz’s wingman, Goose dies. After that goofy bastard goes down, it’s really hard to take “sad Cruz” seriously. It wouldn’t be an epic classic if he didn’t redeem himself in the end. Our nation owes its freedom to Maverick.
1. Point Break (1991): So wait, you’re going to give me Keanu Reeves AND Patrick Swayze in the same movie?! Not only that, you’re going to add Gary Busey, Dr. Cox and the chick from ‘Free Willy’?! None of them can act, but they all make GREAT movies. Johnny Utah (Reeves) and Pappas (Busey) are FBI agents (no way either could pass a drug test) trying to catch bank robbers. The ex-Presidents, led by Swayze, are bank robbers by day and thrill seeking surfer bros by night. Wait, it gets better. While playing a game of football on the beach (at night), Swayze makes Reeves for Johnny Utah, former Ohio St. Quarterback. Reeves had his football career end after a nasty knee injury, but he is able to surf and play sand football at night. After a chase scene, Reeves re-injures his knee and limps for the rest of the movie. I’m telling you, right when you think the acting can’t get worse, Reeves jumps out of a plane without a parachute and latches onto Swayze. YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS UP. The acting in the movie is appalling, but the result is one of the best movies you’ll ever see. Long live, ‘Point Break’.
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