Image Courtesy of Marcus Woolf Week 2 in the NFL is the unofficial end of summer. The sweltering heat has dissipated, leaving people to warm up using artificial means. While some teams have covered their bases like an expensive North Face jacket, others have struggled to adjust to the climate change. Of course, with only two weeks in the books, these power rankings are as likely to change as the leaves. Which aspect of autumn represents each team’s early performance? It is time to find out.
12) Colder Weather: Nobody likes cold weather, especially not in September. It seems like just days ago, that people were splashing in their pools, cranking the air conditioning and thinking Cam Newton would be a stud fantasy quarterback. This team may be a little cold, but sometimes a man must hit rock bottom before making an incredible, improbable comeback. Josh Cross (Preseason Rank: 12th).
11) Exams: School just started, but there is always that one professor that decides to crack the whip early. Unfortunately for this student, they will be tested in the early weeks. Injuries have decimated a fairly capable group, leaving this owner behind the 8-ball. If he is going to succeed, he must ace the multiple choice format, and know when to plug in which player. He has the depth to make a run, but at 0-2, he will be playing catch-up for the rest of the semester. Josh Jacyna (Preseason Rank: 1st).
10) Pumpkin Spice Lattes: The PSL is one of the most popular parts of fall. Most girls would cut off their left hand, if it meant forever holding a PSL in their right. Just like this beverage of choice, I think this team will heat up as the season moves along. Bitches love their lattes, but fantasy football loves this roster. Do not count this team out. Eric Gregson (Preseason Rank: 2nd).
11) Exams: School just started, but there is always that one professor that decides to crack the whip early. Unfortunately for this student, they will be tested in the early weeks. Injuries have decimated a fairly capable group, leaving this owner behind the 8-ball. If he is going to succeed, he must ace the multiple choice format, and know when to plug in which player. He has the depth to make a run, but at 0-2, he will be playing catch-up for the rest of the semester. Josh Jacyna (Preseason Rank: 1st).
10) Pumpkin Spice Lattes: The PSL is one of the most popular parts of fall. Most girls would cut off their left hand, if it meant forever holding a PSL in their right. Just like this beverage of choice, I think this team will heat up as the season moves along. Bitches love their lattes, but fantasy football loves this roster. Do not count this team out. Eric Gregson (Preseason Rank: 2nd).
9) Return of TV Sitcoms: Will Ted Mosby finally meet his babies’ momma? Will Carl get Rick eaten by zombies? How hot is Hayden Panittiere? There are so many questions that need to be answered. Sure, on paper, this team looks stacked. But are these players feeding off of past success, or is it still a legitimate, primetime option? All of these questions will be answered soon enough, and one can only hope that this season will be worth watching. Miles Needer (Preseason Rank: 9th).
8) College Football: Every year, people invest so much time and energy into watching college football, only to be disappointed. The Saturday Circuit lacks the parity of Goodell’s brand. Every now and then, fans get excited about a spectacular play before remembering that players only need one foot inbounds, and if someone had made that “catch” in the NFL, it would be ruled incomplete. It is still football, but this team is one bad loss away from being cited for a lack of institutional control. Sal Rinaudo (Preseason Rank: 6th).
7) Pumpkins: Pumpkins are an integral part of autumn. However, they only matter for a few months every season. Will this team be able to survive the cold winter, or will they be abandoned come early November, like pumpkins after Halloween? Aaron Rodgers will continue carving defenses. Dez Bryant may be the pick of the patch. Things could be a lot worse, considering midnight has come for this team, and DeMarco Murray and Ryan Mathews are turning back into the pumpkins they truly are. Frank Stracke (Preseason Rank: 3rd).
6) Thanksgiving: The pilgrims were thankful for the Native Americans, a plethora of food and freedom from religious persecution. This team is thankful for Darren McFadden’s resurgence, a solid bench and Peyton F**kin’ Manning. Thanks to his quarterback’s nine touchdowns in two weeks, there is a lot to be grateful for. There are some downsides to Thanksgiving, including awkward aunt kisses, stuffing the family bathroom after one-too-many servings of stuffing and Peyton Manning’s inevitable statistical regression. Timmy Jones (Preseason Rank: 4th).
5) Halloween: As Shakespeare famously wrote, “Trick or Treat; that is the question”. Through two weeks, this team has been an absolute treat. Strong quarterback play, strong receiver outputs and a tight end more reliable than college girls being slutty animals for Halloween, has propelled this team towards the top of the standings. The only thing preventing this team from the trophy is a bench full of tricksters (four players failed to score a single point). One trick-knee, or another serious season-ending injury, could derail this team’s destiny. Here is to hoping this bag of treats runneth over with Reese’s and touchdowns. Cal Renner (Preseason Rank: 8th).
4) Sideline Reporters: Everyone has their personal favorite, but everyone’s least favorite is Doris Burke. This team is way closer to Erin Andrews status, than Andrea Kremer status. As attractive as they are, they usually leave a lot to be desired in the intelligence department. Kind of like starting a Redskins’ kicker that was inactive last Sunday. Despite questionable commentary, this red-hot team finds themselves undefeated. These ladies are paving the way for girls in sports, and proving to the world that they belong. YOU GO GIRL! Charlie Hoppes (Preseason Rank: 11th).
8) College Football: Every year, people invest so much time and energy into watching college football, only to be disappointed. The Saturday Circuit lacks the parity of Goodell’s brand. Every now and then, fans get excited about a spectacular play before remembering that players only need one foot inbounds, and if someone had made that “catch” in the NFL, it would be ruled incomplete. It is still football, but this team is one bad loss away from being cited for a lack of institutional control. Sal Rinaudo (Preseason Rank: 6th).
7) Pumpkins: Pumpkins are an integral part of autumn. However, they only matter for a few months every season. Will this team be able to survive the cold winter, or will they be abandoned come early November, like pumpkins after Halloween? Aaron Rodgers will continue carving defenses. Dez Bryant may be the pick of the patch. Things could be a lot worse, considering midnight has come for this team, and DeMarco Murray and Ryan Mathews are turning back into the pumpkins they truly are. Frank Stracke (Preseason Rank: 3rd).
6) Thanksgiving: The pilgrims were thankful for the Native Americans, a plethora of food and freedom from religious persecution. This team is thankful for Darren McFadden’s resurgence, a solid bench and Peyton F**kin’ Manning. Thanks to his quarterback’s nine touchdowns in two weeks, there is a lot to be grateful for. There are some downsides to Thanksgiving, including awkward aunt kisses, stuffing the family bathroom after one-too-many servings of stuffing and Peyton Manning’s inevitable statistical regression. Timmy Jones (Preseason Rank: 4th).
5) Halloween: As Shakespeare famously wrote, “Trick or Treat; that is the question”. Through two weeks, this team has been an absolute treat. Strong quarterback play, strong receiver outputs and a tight end more reliable than college girls being slutty animals for Halloween, has propelled this team towards the top of the standings. The only thing preventing this team from the trophy is a bench full of tricksters (four players failed to score a single point). One trick-knee, or another serious season-ending injury, could derail this team’s destiny. Here is to hoping this bag of treats runneth over with Reese’s and touchdowns. Cal Renner (Preseason Rank: 8th).
4) Sideline Reporters: Everyone has their personal favorite, but everyone’s least favorite is Doris Burke. This team is way closer to Erin Andrews status, than Andrea Kremer status. As attractive as they are, they usually leave a lot to be desired in the intelligence department. Kind of like starting a Redskins’ kicker that was inactive last Sunday. Despite questionable commentary, this red-hot team finds themselves undefeated. These ladies are paving the way for girls in sports, and proving to the world that they belong. YOU GO GIRL! Charlie Hoppes (Preseason Rank: 11th).
Charlie's team looks more like Jen Brown after Weeks 1 and 2 (Image courtesy of Sports Illustrated).
3) Monday Night Football: Monday is supposed to be the lamest day of the week. During football season, though, Monday is king. MNF is about primetime performances, big plays and winning on the national stage. It is still early, but this team has risen to the occasion. This group will only improve once their injured stars return. Unlike Thursday night games, Monday has lived up to the hype. Jason Polzer (Preseason Rank: 5th).
2) The World Series: The Fall Classic is a special time of year for the OBP guys. It is the equivalent of watching a marathon finish, except with less Kenyans. Regardless of last season’s shortcomings, it’s time to win or go home. Is this team built for the autumn homestretch, or is it going to retreat home for a premature vacation? Two consecutive weeks of 120+ points show that this team will do whatever it takes to bring home a title. Joe Papparatto (Preseason Rank: 7th).
1) Yoga Pants: It does not get any better than yoga pants. Period. Josh Sroka (Preseason Rank: 10th).
Be sure to check back every week for the latest OBP Fantasy League Power Rankings. For more coverage, follow @OBPPodcast on twitter.
2) The World Series: The Fall Classic is a special time of year for the OBP guys. It is the equivalent of watching a marathon finish, except with less Kenyans. Regardless of last season’s shortcomings, it’s time to win or go home. Is this team built for the autumn homestretch, or is it going to retreat home for a premature vacation? Two consecutive weeks of 120+ points show that this team will do whatever it takes to bring home a title. Joe Papparatto (Preseason Rank: 7th).
1) Yoga Pants: It does not get any better than yoga pants. Period. Josh Sroka (Preseason Rank: 10th).
Be sure to check back every week for the latest OBP Fantasy League Power Rankings. For more coverage, follow @OBPPodcast on twitter.
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